Too Serious About Life
Why take ourselves so seriously? Why give ourselves a hard time? We tend to take things personally. We’re difficult to please. We build expectations from ideals that nobody can live up to. Some of us try to shoot at targets that aren’t on this planet. How can we be happy with the results? We want perfection. We focus on what we don’t have, on what we can’t do, on what doesn’t work. We think life is a constant struggle. We’re right! Life is a constant struggle for us. We overlook the fact that we make our lives difficult by our attitudes.
Who wants to be an adult if it means giving up enjoying life?
Have you ever noticed that when old people talk about their lives, many of them talk enthusiastically about their youth? They were so happy then. They wished they could stay young forever. Memories of adulthood are often less enthusiastic. They didn’t enjoy adult life as much. Why not? Can’t we enjoy adulthood as much as childhood?
Many of us knew how to laugh and enjoy life when we were young. Why not now? Do we need to be that serious? Can’t we laugh more? Can’t we laugh at ourselves? Can’t we tolerate mistakes? Can’t we be curious? Can’t we express emotions? Can’t we try something new and express our amazement? Can’t we worry less about the future? Can’t we forget the unpleasant past? Can’t we enjoy the present moment for all it has to offer? Can’t we justify ourselves less and do more? Can’t we do things without worrying about looking ridiculous? Can’t we do what we feel like doing, without the need for a logical reason? Can’t we use our initiative? Can’t we use our intuition? Can’t we accept others as they are? Can’t we feel good without a reason? Can’t we enjoy what we’re doing for its own sake, rather than for the end result?
I’m not saying that we should behave like wild kids, playing with fire to see if we get burnt. We have enough commonsense not to do that. I’m saying that some of these restrictions may bring more harm than benefits. Have you ever noticed that in formal situations, some of us feel so uncomfortable that we don’t do anything? So much energy is devoted to doing things the proper way that there is little energy left to enjoy the day. Isn’t it unfortunate that such things happen at weddings or ceremonies? Maybe looking serious isn’t so essential for our well-being. Maybe we can remove some of these constraints and it would make it easier for us to enjoy life.
Life will never get easier. Problems will always exist. So just take life easy and enjoy it as it comes. Don't be too hard on yourself.
19:38
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 8
Amos decided to tell Jaycee the truth of his financial situation as he needed her to loan him the five hundred dollars that he needed to repay his pal. He knew she had that kind of money as he had been sharing his winnings with her and she had promised to put the money aside for their future. After the initial shock, Jaycee agreed to withdraw the cash to settle his debt. She reasoned that they could always save up again when they had the spare cash. She even offered to help him to settle his remaining debts. Amos was glad that Jaycee was such an understanding girlfriend and promised not to place another bet again.
As Amos handed the cash to his friend, he heaved a sigh of relief. He had even made arrangement to repay the rest of his creditors by instalments. Life was back to what it was before the lavish lifestyle and he wasn’t the spendthrift he used to be. He started giving tuition to earn more cash while Jaycee got a part time job working as banquet waitress. As each of them busied themselves with earning more money, they spent less time together. But they understood that it was the price they had to pay for the squander that they had indulged in previously. They were determined to settle the outstanding debts asap so that they could start afresh and plan for their future.
Soon after Amos graduated from poly, he was enlisted for National Service and they saw even less of each other. While he was charging up the hill, Jaycee continued to struggle between two jobs to help to settle his dwindling debts. When the last instalment was finally paid, Jaycee felt so elated and relieved that she decided to celebrate the liberation with her friends – something that she had not done for a long while. Her friends suggested going for Ladies’ Night at the latest club along Boat Quay.
It was the first time that Jaycee had been to a nightclub. Everything was new to her and it was indeed an eye-opening experience. After much persuasion and hesitation, Jaycee took her first sip of alcoholic drink – whiskey with green tea. Then as the night progressed, she experimented with the various concoctions that her friends had prepared for her. Though a virgin drinker, Jaycee was able to hold her liquor pretty well. Just as her friends were cheering her on to down more drinks, Jaycee received a call from Amos. Sensing that Amos was upset when she told him where she was, Jaycee decided to call it a night. As her friends weren’t ready to leave, she left the club on her own. As soon as she stepped out of the premises, she was overwhelmed by a spinning sensation. Staggering along an unfamiliar lane under the dim light, she was seen treading along the river bank. Suddenly there was a loud splash, followed by shouts of someone falling into the water.
Amos was all ready to book out for the weekend and he decided to call Jaycee to make plans for the day. He was surprised to hear Jaycee’s mum on the other end and he almost dropped his cell when he heard that Jaycee had been hospitalised. He rushed down to the hospital and couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his dear Jaycee lying in a state of coma.
Jaycee, who had fallen into the river on that fateful night, had been rescued by a passer-by. But she had hit her head against the concrete step and hadn’t regained her unconsciousness since.
Amos couldn’t help blaming himself for being so petty that night when he called her. He should have allowed her to continue to party with her friends rather than hinting her to head home.
“You must be exhausted from working two jobs. Have a good sleep but please wake up when you’ve rested enough. I’ll be waiting.”
23:35
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 7
Jaycee was speechless. She knew that Amos wasn’t from a well-to-do family and it wouldn’t be easy for him to get that kind of money to buy her the branded wallet. Though Amos claimed that he had used his savings, she wasn’t completely convinced. Nevertheless, she accepted the gift but not before she made him promise not to squander his savings buying her expensive gift again.
Amos had actually made a large gamble to get the cash needed to buy the wallet. He was glad that everything had turned out as planned. Unknown to Jaycee, he was a seasoned gambler. He had been involved in football betting since he was introduced to it by his friends when he turned 18. He had started out small and had been quite successful in winning extra pocket money. However, the more often he won the more confident he became and he began placing bigger bets. The bet he placed with part of his tuition fee had been his largest thus far. He was again able to predict the results accurately. Lucky? Perhaps, but for how long?
Though he had promised Jaycee not to be a spendthrift, he still couldn’t stop himself from showering her with branded stuff whenever he made a winning. Initially, Jaycee would express her disapproval but when she sensed Amos’ sincerity, she decided not to be a spoilsport. Not wanting Jaycee to feel bad about accepting his gifts, he decided to tell her the truth about his 'source of income'. Jaycee found it hard to believe him, dismissing it as a lame joke but when he showed her the bet tickets, she was dumbfounded. It had never occurred to her that her dear Amos could be a gambler and a damned good one too. Soon, they were living life on the ‘high side’, dining at posh restaurants and shopping at high-end retail stores.
All these while, Amos was financing the high expenses by placing bigger bets and when luck wasn’t on his side, he resorted to borrowing from his friends. As time passed, he found it difficult to keep up with the high living and not wanting Jaycee to be worried, he kept his financial woes from her. Soon he was desperate. It seemed that the more he tried to recoup his losses, the more he lost and the deeper he fell into the debt trap. Eventually, Amos didn’t even have the spare cash to place any more bets. No bet meant no chance of winning, no winnings meant unsettled debts. Just as he was spiralling into a state of despair, a pal who knew of his predicament offered to introduce someone who would loan him cash at 'reasonable' rate. Amos knew that he was referring to an illegal lender and understood the dire consequences of getting a loan from one. He had seen how his neighbour being harassed by loan sharks. He couldn't imagine himself ending up likewise and decided against turning to one.
A friend, whom Amos had got a loan from earlier, came looking for him one morning at his campus. He needed him to repay the loan as he had an urgent need for it. Amos was caught off guard. Though it wasn’t a big sum and Amos had promised to repay him asap, he was definitely not able to raise the money then. However, his friend said that he needed the money for a family emergency. Amos was apologetic and promised to return the money in a couple of days. Having given his word, Amos had to think of a way to raise the money quickly and the only person he knew who had the kind of money to lend him was ……..........
23:34
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 6
Jaycee had been blaming herself for what had happened between Corrine and her boyfriend. Had she gone too far with her prank? Jaycee couldn’t justify her actions but her pride prevented her from coming clean. Amos, who knew of her agony, tried to convince her that the missing phone strap wasn’t the main cause for the breakup. It was just a lame excuse that Danica had used to leave Corrine. He reasoned that no self-respecting guy could stand the demanding and unreasonable Corrine. Though not totally convinced, Jaycee did feel better knowing that her mischievous trick was not the sole cause for the unfortunate outcome.
“Will you ever dump me using such lame reasons?” Jaycee couldn’t help asking.
“Of course not! I would not leave you no matter what happens,” assured Amos.
“Sure or not? So you won’t ditch me even if I two-time you?” said Jaycee jokingly.
“If you two-time me then it only means that I’ve not been a good boyfriend. I should reflect on my mistakes and become a better boyfriend,” declared Amos.
Not believing what she was hearing, Jaycee pinched her left cheek to make sure that she wasn’t dreaming. She felt the pain but still found it difficult to believe that Amos was so seriously devoted to her. She told herself that she had to treasure him and to remain faithful to him.
It was Jaycee’s day off and she had arranged to meet Amos downtown. She wanted to window-shop at one of the latest malls that had opened recently. They went into a branded boutique famous for its range of genuine leather products. A classy long wallet caught Jaycee’s eyes. It was just the right colour and the right size for her but the four-figure price tag was far from right for her budget. She shrugged, having to accept that she would never be able to afford such luxuries. She then went on to admire the other display. Though Jaycee didn’t say anything, Amos could sense her desire to own the wallet. He couldn’t help feeling helpless in not being able to get her what she craved.
Amos couldn’t stop thinking about the wallet. He wanted very much to buy it for Jaycee but his savings was minimum and it would take too long to save up enough to buy it in time for her birthday in two months time. Just as he was vexed by his inability to raise the money, his mother entered his room. She was there to hand him his poly tuition fee for the coming semester. As he took over the fee which amounted to a few thousand dollars, he knew exactly what he was going to do with the money.
It was Jaycee’s 17th birthday and she had made herself available to celebrate her special day with Amos, rather than to hang out with her ‘sisters’. Amos had made a reservation at her favourite Italian restaurant and had even placed an order for a specially baked birthday cake. When it was time to hand her her birthday present, Amos asked Jaycee to close her eyes and to use her hands to ‘feel’ the present. Though Jaycee was able to tell what it was almost immediately, she couldn’t believe what she was holding until she opened her eyes.
23:33
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 5
“Did any of you see my iPod?” asked Corrine.
Nobody responded as none of them had seen it, all of them except Jaycee. She should have seen it as she was the one who had hidden it. It was one of her ways to get back at Corrine by inconveniencing her in whatever she could, whenever she had the opportunity. She had been busy ‘misplacing’ Corrine’s stuff. One day it would be her iPod, another day it would be her PDA. She was careful not to make the ‘lost’ so obvious that it would arouse Corrine’s suspicion. At the end of the day, she would make sure one of the others would find her lost items. Though only in her mid-twenties, Corrine was not surprised by her absent-mindedness which she felt was caused by work-related stress. Jaycee was having so much fun seeing how distress Corrine would become whenever her things went missing that she was considering upping the stake to something more hurting.
She had noticed that Corrine was particularly fond of her personalised phone strap. It had sparkling sliver letterings that spelt ‘Corrine ♥ Danica’ fastened to it and she had always bragged about her lover whom she claimed was the most understanding and passionate man. Whenever business was slow, she would share saucy details of her love life. She would boast of the things that he would do for her and the extent to which he would go to please her. Jaycee used to envy her when she talked about her romantic experience. But ever since the humiliating episode, Jaycee wouldn’t even go near her to listen to her snobbish talk.
It was one of those weekend peak periods and the shop was a hive of activity. Jaycee was on her way to get a size for a customer when she spotted Corrine’s cell lying on top of a stack of clothes. It was her chance to get hold of her phone and to remove her precious strap. In one quick motion, Jaycee detached the strap and hid it in a pile of clothes on a high shelf in another part of the room. She then put the phone back to where it was at the lower shelf and hurried back to serve her customer.
Corrine, who had been busy at the cashier, only realised that she didn’t have her phone with her during a momentary break in the influx of customers. She tried hard to recall where she had left it and went searching frantically for it. And when she finally found it, she became more hysterical. Holding her cell in her hand, she couldn’t believe that the strap had become unbound and was nowhere to be found. She asked the others to help to look for it. Jaycee pretended to scan around for it while trying hard to contain her elation from another successful sabotage. Soon, the crowd started to throng the place and the search had to be called off. By the end of the day, everybody was too exhausted to stay back to help Corrine with the search. Though Jaycee kind of felt sorry for her, she figured that it won’t hurt her much more to ‘recover’ the strap the next day.
The next morning, they were told that Corrine had called in sick. It seemed that she had stayed up the whole night ransacking the whole shop looking in vain for her precious strap. Jaycee went to the storeroom and was relieved to find the strap still hidden among the clothes. Feeling that she had punished Corrine enough, she decided to hand it back to her when she returned to work. Corrine eventually returned to work a couple of days later. But she was not the usual Corrine, the pretentious and cocky Corrine was nowhere in sight. Instead, standing in front of them was an expressionless and haggard Corrine.
Thinking that she must have been traumatised by the loss of her strap, Jaycee decided to return the strap to its rightful owner. Expecting Corrine’s lifeless face to light up when she saw the strap, Jaycee was taken aback when she said coldly, “It’s ok. It means nothing to me now. Danica has already ditched me.”
23:32
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 4
“Thanks for your umbrella,” said Jaycee as she took out the umbrella from her sling bag.
“Err… It’s ok, you can keep it,” replied Amos who still was trying hard to recover from the shock.
“But I don’t even know you, how can I take your thing like that?” Jaycee retorted.
“But I know you. You’re the salesgirl from ‘This Fashion’ right?”
“Ya and I also know that you’ve been spying on me. Why har?”
“Err… I… I… want to be your friend.”
“Really? Ok lor, let's be friend. I’m Jaycee,” said Jaycee without hesitation.
“Huh? Oh! I’m Amos,” replied Amos who was caught off guard by Jaycee’s candidness.
After the shaky introduction, Amos suggested having a drink at a nearby coffee shop. Though their acquaintance was unusual, they hit it off quite readily and their relationship bloomed from there. Every evening he would be there to wait for her to knock off from work while on her days off, she would wait for him to finish class. They were in fact inseparable and would spend most of their free time together.
Jaycee was admiring the latest wear that she had just put on the mannequin. It was a low-cut polka dots satin dress. She liked the contrast of the colours and the feel of the material. She couldn’t wait to try it on to experience the silky texture on her body. Though it wasn’t cheap even after staff’s discount, she was prepared to pay for it if she looked good in it. The thought of owning it was enough to keep her spirits high throughout the day.
At the end of the day as Jaycee was preparing to leave, her supervisor, Corrine, called her into the office. Not suspecting anything, Jaycee stepped into the cubicle still in her good mood.
“It seemed that you like our latest collection a lot,” remarked Corrine.
Jaycee nodded.
“One of the dresses is unaccounted for. Do you happen to have it inside your sling bag?”
“Huh? Are you trying to say that I’ve taken the dress?” uttered Jaycee who couldn’t believe the accusation.
“Well, if you’ve not taken it, you won’t mind me searching your bag right?” asked Corrine.
Realising that it was fruitless to argue with her, Jaycee handed over her bag. Other than her personal stuff, there was no sign of the dress. Still not convinced of her innocence, Corrine demanded for a body search. Shocked by her unreasonable request, Jaycee was about to burst into a volley of expletives when one of the other salesgirls barged in.
“We have found the missing dress. It must have slid off the hanger and slipped under the display rack.”
Jaycee was relieved to hear that and just when she was expecting an apology from Corrine, she was told to leave. No apology. No remorse. No guilt feeling.
Jaycee was furious by what had happened. Though she was a school dropout, she didn’t deserve to be treated like a thief. She had thought of resigning but then it wasn’t her style to let Corrine off so lightly for her prejudice and humiliation. Just then, a sinister thought flashed across her mind. With her mind set, she walked briskly towards her usual rendezvous to meet her ‘dear’.
00:56
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 3
Amos waited patiently for Kathy at the cafeteria. He had been keeping track of her since his first encounter with her during the Orientation Week. It was her first day at poly while he was a year 2 student. He was not involved in organising the event but was there to stand in for a friend who had fallen ill. Kathy’s captivating smile captured his attention when he was tasked to take charge of the group she was in. He couldn’t help peeping at her whenever the chance arose and would attend to her as much as he could.
After the orientation, their paths didn’t cross and the only place where he could see her again was at the cafeteria. His buddy, who knew of his crush for her, encouraged him to ask her out and to get to know her better. However, Amos just didn’t have the guts to approach her as he was afraid that she might turn him down. Though, she would have remembered him as they had conversed quite readily during their initial meeting, he wasn’t sure if she would treat him as more than a friend.
Ever since he was ridiculed by a gal whom he was wooing when he was in sec. 3, Amos had yet to regain his loss in self-confidence. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop him from stalking those whom he fancied, in the hope that one of them would notice him and be willing to accept him for who he was. So far, Cupid’s arrow had missed him.
Just as he was giving up hope on seeing Kathy that day, she appeared. But she wasn’t with her usual group of pals. Instead she was with a guy, someone he had seen hanging around her. They were holding hands as they strolled into the cafeteria. Not willing to throw in the towel yet, he stayed on to watch them. When it was obvious from their intimacy that they were an item, Amos picked up his tote bag and left.
Though the feeling of defeat was not new to him, he couldn’t help blaming himself for not seizing the opportunity to become the guy holding her hands. If only he had taken his pal’s advice to take the initiative, he could have been the one sitting at the table with her. If only he had been more assertive, he could have been the one whispering sweet nothings into her ear. If only……....
Amos was wandering aimlessly in the neighbourhood when a face in one of the shops caught his keen eyes. It was Jaycee’s. He couldn’t explain why he was attracted to her; he only knew that he wanted to be with her. His heavy heart suddenly felt lighter. He walked past the shop a number of times, pretending to look at the clothes on display. Then, he decided to be more discrete and seated himself on a bench facing the shop, pretending to be talking on his mobile. As he kept his sight on her every move, Amos told himself that he was going all out this time to try to win her heart. With his mind made up, Amos left for home and was determined to visit her as often as his time allowed.
It was a school holiday and Amos was up early, getting ready for another of his ‘visit’. He had never got the chance to see Jaycee start the day and had decided to do so that morning. When he arrived, the store was not open for business yet. He settled down at his usual spot, waiting eagerly for Jaycee to appear. As the minutes ticked by, the staff arrived to start the day operation but there was no sign of Jaycee. Amos became anxious, wondering if she would show up for work. He began pacing along the walkway while on a lookout for her. An hour past and Jaycee was nowhere in sight. Just then, Amos thought he heard a sprightly voice.
“Looking for me?”
Turning his head slowly in the direction of the voice, he saw a familiar figure from the corners of his eyes. It was Jaycee.
00:57
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